Many of you know that I have had quite the journey since June of 2019. I want to share with you what I have learned during this time because I feel that it will help others cope with the uncertainty and despair of this global pandemic.
Last June, I suffered a miscarriage, which was devastating. The next month, my son’s health started to deteriorate with extreme tics and behavioral issues. We learned that it was caused by brain inflammation. Accepting your child is going to have a lifelong neurologic autoimmune condition is the single hardest thing I have done yet in this life. That was followed by me feeling like I was about to die physically from unknown health issues. We learned that there was mold in our rental house which exacerbated the chronic Lyme and co-infections we had but were unaware of before.
Mourning the loss of a third child, juggling a sick son who was not himself, waiting painstakingly for diagnoses, moving out, washing or getting rid of all belongings, doing numerous medical tests, juggling a cabinet full of new medications and supplements for both of us, finishing the selection of everything for our house being built, all while feeling like I may not make it myself was more than I could handle most days. There were days when I didn’t want to keep going. I didn’t want to face the overwhelming hurdles laid in front of me each and everyday. Do you want to know what the one thing that kept me going was? God. Plain and simple, God is the only reason I have made it through the past nine months with hope and my sanity.
I remember feeling scared like I might not make it when “God’s not done with you” by Tauren Wells played on my phone. I sobbed as I listened to it, feeling like God was speaking directly to me. You will never hear God so loudly or clearly as when you are looking to Him in desperation.
We like to control things. We fear what we cannot control. I tried to control getting my son back to 100%. We have made progress and I will keep fighting for him and seeing our specialist as much as it takes. We will keep seeing our Lyme doctor until it’s gone. The truth is though that God is in control. This is what we’re seeing now with COVID-19. We are not in control and neither are the doctors. God is the only one who could stop this in his tracks if he wanted. So let’s pray and ask Him to heal our land. (2 Chronicles 7:13-15) Also, please turn to Him for your salvation if you haven’t. (John 3:16-17) (Psalms 67:2) If you want to talk to someone about this, please feel free to reach out.
My main point though is to give it to God. It is easy to say but it is so hard to do. Once I handed the control over to God, I had peace about the despair we were going through. I keep fighting like hell and I will do my part and stay home during this pandemic, but give God the reins and trust Him with everything. Trust him with your health, your finances, and your salvation. You won’t regret it. He will show Himself to you like never before right now and it will be beautiful, even through your tears.
Health Drama Mama 